There are those times in life when you're not with friends, when your family is being snippy, and thus left to your own thoughts and devices. I heard today that when left to your own devices, you are in fact left to your vices. I don't agree. There is a certain state of self awareness that can only be reached through solitude. You realize that you are alone and that it's okay.
I have experienced these moments on occasion. They are always a breath of fresh air. However, there is always an unsettling underpinning. On some level, I am called to let myself be more than me. That might sound strange. I yearn to let those that surrounded me define part of who I am. I want to be able to find people that I can develop relationships with so that we define each other. At the surface that seems silly, but on other levels it seems my most primary purpose to reach a most meaningful end. My future outlooks are seeming unlimited, but it all seems trivial in comparison.
Perhaps I'm just a romantic at heart. However, I cannot believe that what I feel is isolated in me or even a group of people. It is bound to be a human condition. One that is manifested in the creation of our great societies, communities, and families. I conclude I am driven by a universal impulse that is beyond my controlling, but I do not think of this in the negative. Even if I am drawn by the same feelings as the rest of the world is, it still remains that nothing would bring me greater joy than finding people to love. This I accept without reservation. I can't do anything about it, and to throw out the idea would only stall and make hard the process.
I will walk into the world with open heart and mind, and I will never choose work and school at love's expense.
A fourth installment.
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